Oh, the Crazy Things We Do In Love
by ArtyIsMine
Summary: When someone spikes Draco's pumpkin juice with a love potion, chaos ensues as he tries to woo Hermione Granger! Hermione, however, is one tough girl, and Draco's attempts to worm his way into her heart seem to be failing. What's a boy to do when his true love is convinced that she hates him?


**A/N: I know love potion stories are cliché, but I love to read them and this one was pretty fun to write. Draco might be OOC, but he is under the influence of a love potion after all…**

**Also... I need a beta... anyone willing to help out? My old beta has gone awol and I don't really have anyone else. If you're willing, please message me!**

**This takes place in 6****th**** year. Not HBP compliant.**

**Enjoy and please vote for the title on the poll ****on my profile! The choices are Oh, the Crazy Things We Do In Love (current), Draco Malfoy Has Lost His Marbles, Love Is Crazier Than Blibbering Humdingers, or Hell Must Have Frozen Over.**

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_Prologue:_

On this particularly normal and boring afternoon, Draco Malfoy was sitting in the History of Magic classroom listening to Professor Binns drone on and on. He was sitting next to Blaise Zabini, who was sprawled on his chair in what he thought was a 'undeniably sexy pose' (but really just made him look rather ridiculous), and Pansy Parkinson, who was staring at her nails as she silently contemplated ways to leave class (right now, the top choice was to attempt to do one of those sneaky spy rolls under the table and then slither like a snake to the door). Oddly enough, Draco was not smirking. He wasn't smiling or scowling either; instead he looked partially eager. Now, what he was eager for was debatable. I personally would bet my money on him being eager to go torture some poor fluffy animal… Anyway, while Draco was thinking about what he was thinking about (which is completely irrelevant and unimportant), a student was pondering a very special dilemma that involved him.

Now, this student had a very, very sneaky mind. They loved plotting fun pranks and more… This person, who shall not be revealed, was currently plotting how to slip Draco a potion. However, this was not just any potion they would slip him; this would a _love potion_. A love potion that would get his brain buzzing about one certain, know-it-all, bushy-haired Gryffindor. This person was not doing it for revenge. On the contrary, they were doing it for a very special reason. They were doing it because they just had to know what would happen if the equivalent of Hell freezing over happened… and possibly because they had a bet with a certain annoying someone.

Now, this student had come up with the most ingenious plan to slip Malfoy the potion! They would simply ask Dobby, who disliked Malfoy very much, to slip it in his drink. They were sure that if they explain to Dobby what it would do and that is was harmless (well, mostly) he would do it. After all, aren't the most brilliant plans the simplest plans? Err, possibly. But what the worst that can happen, this person thought to theirself…

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Chapter 1: What the Bloody Hell is going on here?!

Hermione grabbed an apple to eat while she tried to read her Arithmancy book. She was currently squished between Ron and Harry, while Ginny gushed about some romance book she read. As usual, Ron was shoving food into his mouth and Harry was pushing his food around his plate and sneaking glances at Ginny. Hermione, who was tired of being jostled by Ron, gave up on reading her book and put the apple down.

"So, Ginny" she said, trying to steer to conversation into something worthwhile. "What class do you have next?"

Ginny, who was a bit startled by her sudden change of the subject replied, "Uh well, I have Transfiguration. But, Hermione, did you even hear what I was just saying?"

"Um, of course! You were talking about that book… err, uh, The Knight in Rusty Armor…?" Hermione trailed off.

Ginny sighed. "I was saying that…"

Hermione mentally groaned and gave up on talking about something interesting as she dimly heard Ginny rant about some couple drama. She looked around, her eyes landing on Malfoy as he swallowed some pumpkin juice that, unless her eyes were deceiving her, was giving off a bit of silver smoke. For a moment she felt like she should stop him, but then the feeling passed and she looked away.

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"Earth to Blaise," Draco muttered, waving a hand in front of the Slytherin's face.

"Hmm?" Blaise said, slightly startled., lifting his eyes up to meet Malfoy's irritated ones.

"You've been staring at the tablecloth for five minutes. What's going on? The tablecloth isn't _that_ interesting, is it?" Draco smirked.

"Of course not," Blaise snapped, "I was just thinking. Or is that not allowed?"

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Blaise. You go ahead planning your next conquest. Sorry to interrupt. My apologies," He said snarkily.

"I wasn't planning my next conquest. For your information, I'm on a break from my days of wildness. I think I'm going to stay single for a while. However, my handsomeness cannot be denied, so I'm sure it won't last."

"Sure, Blaise, sure," Draco patronized him.

Blaise scowled.

"What about you, Draco? When are you going to end your days of being a bad boy magnet… Oh that's right, you aren't and have never been a bad boy magnet. You couldn't even land Pansy, man."

Draco narrowed his eyes, "If I wanted Pansy, or any girl, for that matter, I could get her in an instant. Unlike you Zabini, I don't have to have a plan or anything. They'd come effortlessly. It's just that none of these girls appeal to me. None are good enough."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Relax man. Here, have some pumpkin juice," Blaise said, pointing to a goblet of juice that just appeared to Draco's left.

Draco raised an eyebrow, and then grabbed the goblet, downing it quickly to prove just how manly he really was. In his haste, he failed to notice a small puff of silver smoke coming from the juice that quickly appeared and disappeared.

All of a sudden, Draco's eyes widened. He jumped up and ran to the common room.

Blaise stared after him and shook his head… _Well, that was odd and unexpected._

After Draco ran all the way down to the Slytherin common room he collapsed in one of the biggest armchairs.

_Wow… _He managed to think before he passed out.

* * *

Draco woke up an hour later still in the common room. His neck had a crick from the odd angle it had been in while he had passed out. But that didn't matter now. Nothing did… except for Hermione Granger. His life had just been given purpose.

As he started walking to the Gryffindor Common room, he finally finished the thought he had started before he passed out. _Wow… She is so beautiful. Those big brown eyes, the crazy curly hair that had grown on me, and her brilliant mind all made her the perfect girl for me… I need to confess my love to her and sweep her off her feet. Then, we'll get married… Honeymoon in…Italy? France? Spain? No, wait! We should stay a week in all of them… Maybe two in Paris, the city of lurveeeee._

He had gotten so deep in his thoughts that he barely realized that he was already at the Gryffindor portal. When he finally noticed where he was, a dilemma then presented itself to him: he didn't know the password. Being a prefect had allowed him to know where all the entrances were, but it didn't let him know the password; only the head students knew all of them.

After he had been standing there for a minute pondering this, the Fat Lady decided to intervene.

"Excuse, young man, what do you want?"

"To get in… Will you open up now?" he said hopefully.

"I will if you give me the password. Wait. Aren't you in Slytherin? Why would you want to go into the Gryffindor tower? It's not to torture them, is it? Because if it is, I won't let you," The Fat Lady said, sounding protective.

"Why would I want to grieve glorious, giggling Gryffindors?! I've come to declare my love for my loveable lioness, my… uh… healthy Hermione!"

_Oh! So much awe-inspiring alliteration. Well, except for the last one… But don't judge me! There are no synonyms of radiant that begin with H. Wait… Did I just ask myself to not judge myself?… Okay… Well! Back to Hermione!_

"You want to declare your love to Hermione Granger?" the Fat Lady asked in an incredulous tone.

"Of course! Now let me in!" Malfoy barked, getting annoyed, "Please?" he then added as an afterthought, going back to his lovey dovey mood.

"As much as I'd love to let you in, I can't unless you have the password," The Fat Lady said.

Malfoy thought for a second and then rushed to the wall and started banging on it.

"Someone! Anyone! Please let me in! I'm begging you," Malfoy whined.

"Hey! Stop that racket!" The Fat Lady said, annoyed, "You sho–" she started to say, but was interrupted when the portrait opened and a 5th year popped his head out.

"Stop banging! The prefects are going to get mad… Hey, what are you doing here? You're a Slytherin. Get lost," He said to Malfoy and then began to close the portrait but failed due to the fact that Malfoy's hands were suddenly wrapped around his neck.

"Listen you little imbecile. Open the door… portrait… whatever. Now. I have important business here, " Draco threatened in his patented menacing whisper.

He then scampered into the Common Room right after the terrified 5th year promptly opened the door.

"Oh Hermioneeeee," he called, drawing out both words to express just how sweet and innocent he felt, "Hermioneeeeeeeee."

The occupants of the room, a few second, fifth, seventh, years, looked at him strangely. It then dawned on him that Hermione, his dear darling angel of ardor, was not in the room. The realization quickly snapped him back into his usual personality, albeit a bit more annoyed since he was a Malfoy, and as everyone (seriously everyone in the whole planet) knew, Malfoys didn't do anything weirdly or wrongly.

"Someone get me Hermione or I will kill everyone you love and make it look like an accident," he said, attempting the patented Malfoy whisper again since it had worked so well just a minute ago. However, this time, since the people were still in shock from his mating call to Hermione, they did not respond.

"Ugh, fine. Lazy Gryffindors. I'll go find her myself. Because I'm her knight in shining armor and NOTHING is going to get in the way of this. No knight has ever let himself be deterred from the path of true love, of fate, of destiny, and I will not be the first," he said emotionally, almost moving himself to tears.

And with that he decided to go up the stairs, seeing as Hermione was probably in her dorm getting ready for bed and the dorms must have been up one of the stairs. Luckily for him, he chose the right staircase, but unluckily for him, he was a boy, and not a girl. Therefore, the Gryffindors, who had stayed quiet throughout his little tirade, because as everyone knows it is never wise to antagonize possible unstable people, got to watch him slide off the stairs and land right on his butt on the cold cruel stone floors (which were covered by rug, but the more pain he went through, the more dignified he was, Draco rationalized).

"I'll get you for this! If it's the last thing I do!" Draco yelled at the stairs, an inanimate object, if you didn't realize. Quoting Peter Pan just felt so right, so so right, right now.

_Hey, maybe I should quote Disney movies more often! It just feels so good. God, stupid muggles make the best kids stories. I mean, Babbity Rabbity was a load of shite. _He thought to himself.

Draco had seen pretty much almost all the Disney movies in his required Muggle Studies class. Hey, Muggle Studies was better than Care of Magical Creatures by far. If he had to learn how to deal with one type of animal, he'd rather learn how to deal with the ones that could feed themselves and didn't need you to give them a walk (or walk you, depending on how you thought of it).

Draco stuck his nose in the air as he exited the disgustingly bright and perky common room, pondering how in the name of Dumbledore's rosy left butt cheek he was going to find Hermione.

_I think my quest may have to wait until tomorrow… On the bright side, I can spend the rest of the night preparing for the ambush of my darling tomorrow in classes! Oh, this is going to be excellent!_ He thought deviously to himself, as he planned just how he would prep for his pursuit.

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**A/N: Most of the next chapter is already done, so hopefully I will be able to post it in the next 2 weeks! Please leave constructive criticism and reviews! I love to read them, and who knows, maybe they'll inspire me to update quicker ;) Also, feel free to take a look at my Dramione drabble/one-shots if you liked this!**


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